Rroad rage has become a major issue on our roads today which often leads to unpleasant and serious situations. Impatient drivers yell and scream at each other – and turn the air green with their language – often returning to fisticuffs and more. Although modern cars are equipped with safety features, there is one very simple one that they miss – which should be mandatory. Fixing the horns. Nothing makes your goat stupid behind you and honking, not realizing that honking never clears up traffic, and raises your back and blood pressure. That’s because horns sound blasphemous.
So why not make it mandatory that every engine horn should sound like birdsong or birdsong? If the guy behind you in the Humvee warbles like a skylark or a bulbul, you’ll happily give him a smile and a wave, even if he’s purple with rage! Of course, we must not get carried away here: As some horns, for example, those that sound like Colonel Bogey March, have been banned as well as certain calls and songs.
No cock-a-doodle-doos, seagulls, crows, no eagle-like raptors (some of them sound like a puppy being kicked,) no owls, no peacocks (sounds like run-down trucks). And certainly, never call the brain-fever bird (‘brain-fever, brain-fever, brain-fever’) that can make things worse or the cuckoo (‘one more bottle, one more bottle, one more bottle! ‘) lest the driver be pulled over for drunk driving! No jungle babblers, or talking/shouting parakeets. As for mynas, they can be a problem because they can sound both dulcet and scary.
On the other hand, the ducks can sound funny and, of course, the songs of the magpie-robin or shama or whistling thrush can be heavenly!
Can you imagine the result if this was taken wholesale? When you have the mother of all traffic jams and all you can hear are skylarks or bulbuls singing their hearts out all around you. Or magpie robins playing flute concerts? Traffic jams would no longer be the horrible phenomenon they are now. High-end vehicles, especially SUVs, can have a selection of birdsongs and calls for their drivers to choose from. Tired of being a skylark, switch to an oriole! Cars imported from Western countries will be full of nightingale, but, those made in India can have a lot of good tunes and calls to choose from.
Emergency calls – like those of shikra perhaps – can be reserved for ambulances, which clearly shows, ‘like it or not!’ Even sirens on police cars and VIP limousines can be modified this way: many birds scatter when they hear the shikra hunt — so it might have the same effect here without making you want to point the finger.
If you think this is a very clever way – that you would like your horn to sound like the roar of a tiger or the bellow of a buffalo, or the roar of an angry elephant, (if we stick to the theme of animals) think about this. : Many birds (usually dudes) call and sing to show that they are alive and well, that they want a place where other dudes don’t go far, and that they want to please girls. So in other ways, you will be saying in bird language, ‘Abbe, kyaa aapke baap ka rasta hain?’ (Hey, is this your father’s way?) — and again, ‘Will you be mine until the end of time?’ As for singing to impress girls: that may seem chauvinistic but there’s no reason why girls can’t do the same thing for the same reason. (Cranes are famous for blowing their love horns!) So, we might end up with something very different from street rage—street romance—and while the killjoys might wag their fingers against all this PDA, it’s certainly better than a blowout. your car and abuse the subject of your anger.
Imagine peak hour in Mumbai, Bengaluru, Delhi or any major city in the world if this becomes the norm. The cacophony will be killed forever and every congested street can be heard as a morning chorus! Of course, in the West, blowing your horn is considered extremely rude, so there might be the occasional war cry or whistle, but in places like India where the blowing of trumpets is a constant? It can feel good. In the morning you would come to work or school whistling or humming instead of frothing and panicking and you would be in the same mood when you returned home in the evening even after spending four hours bouncing!
You might think, sitting in your Mercedes you might not hear the person behind you, croaking like a lark, to make way. Well, think about this: the mountain barbet I heard calling in Kasauli one morning, had a voice that I was sure would come to Simla! Yes, but it made you smile!
So what do the birds think of all this chirping, chirping and singing that goes on all day in the streets? Recorded bird calls are used by birders to attract birds. So are they going to come out in droves to see what the hell is going on? If they do, and we see how beautiful they are, we may save them and their habitats. As long as we don’t give them road rage!
Why should you buy our Subscription?
You want to be the smartest in the room.
You want access to award-winning journalism.
You don’t want to be misled and misinformed.
Choose your subscription package