There were stretches of my life where imposter syndrome felt less than a passing thought and more like a personality trait. It doesn’t come with a dramatic twist. It’s always second-guessing, over-preparing, and the way I re-read what I’ve written and thought about, This is good… but is it really good?
I’ve sat in rooms I’ve worked so hard to be in and felt strangely disconnected, like I was watching someone else play a role. I received a compliment and immediately wrote down the reasons that it was the circumstances. Time. Good luck. Generous organizer. A forgiving audience. Success doesn’t feel like proof—like something I need to protect.
What confuses me the most is that it has not withered with age. If anything, it burns when I expand—the bigger the rooms, the higher the pitches, the higher the visibility. Which makes me wonder: if success doesn’t silence imposter syndrome, what does? And is the goal to make it disappear, or to understand why it appeared in the first place?
Featured image from our interview with Babba Rivera via Belathée Photography.
Imposter Syndrome Tips to Build Confidence
Imposter syndrome has been treated as a psychological problem—something you can fix with better thinking or stronger self-confidence. But according to therapist and sexologist Dr. Joy Berkheimer, PhD, LMFT, it’s not just understanding.
He explains: “It often manifests as chest tightness, shallow breathing, or jaw clenching. The body prepares for exposure as if being ‘discovered’ is a threat to survival.”
Before thought I don’t belong here fully formed, the body is already strong. For many highly successful women, appearance itself can register as dangerous. The nervous system shifts to vigilance—scanning for errors. Not because you are a cheater, but because your body is trying to protect you.
Dr. Joy says: “You don’t think your way out of imposter syndrome. You control your way out. That difference is important. It means you’re not broken. You respond to expansion.”
Dr. Joy Berkheimer, PhD, LMFT
Dr. Joy Berkheimer, PhD, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist and sexologist based in South Florida and founder of Renew Yourself With Joy, her private therapy practice. She holds dual specialties in marriage, family, and couples therapy and mental health counseling, and has additional training in coaching and positive psychology. Through her clinical work, she supports women navigating relationships, identity shifts, and self-esteem.
What Building Confidence Really Looks Like
If imposter syndrome is a response to stress, then self-esteem is not what you think. It’s something you practice. “Building self-confidence is a habit,” explained Dr. Joy. “It’s not an encouraging guarantee.”
Self-confidence is no more I deserve to be here until it sounds believable. Gather evidence and show yourself, through action, that you can handle what you have stepped on.
According to Dr. Joy, that can look incredibly easy:
- Keeping small promises to yourself—especially the ones no one sees.
- Complete what you commit to, even when it would be easy to leave.
- Speaking the truth in the rooms you used to sing in.
- Letting your voice linger without softening it too quickly or over-explaining it.
If you do this over and over again, your body starts to register that it can handle this. You begin to feel like the next person, able to endure appearances, and survive danger.
Dr. Joy says: “Self-confidence is not the absence of self-doubt. It is a collection of self-respecting decisions.”
The goal is not to completely silence doubt. To build enough confidence that doubt no longer determines your behavior.
That happens in the emails you send without apology. In meetings where you speak right away, instead of rehearsing inside for 10 minutes. At times you choose not to lose weight.
The Difference Between Self-Reflection and Self-Criticism
There is a version of meditation that takes you further. This is the kind that asks, What could I refine? What can make this stronger in the future? It is specific, and provides guidance.
Then there was another voice. You are not limited to this. You shouldn’t be here. Everyone else is talented.
According to Dr. Joy, the difference isn’t how deep the thought is—it’s whether it gives direction or brings shame. Healthy meditation works. It helps you adjust. Criticism driven by a cheater is based on identity. It does not provide a next step. It asks who you are.
“If the inner voice is direct and active, it focuses on growth,” explained Dr. Joy. “If it’s global and embarrassing, that’s fear trying to protect you from harm.” If you learn to distinguish between the two, you can choose which voice gets the authority.
Remember: the goal is not to get rid of your inner critic. It is to strengthen the voice that can accept the answer without turning it into rejection. Over time, that habit becomes confidence.
Simple Habits That Help You Feel More Focused
If imposter syndrome is a response to stress, putting down is part of the solution. The goal is to help your body feel safe enough to believe.
Dr. Joy recommends small, repetitive rituals that break the cycle of stress and strengthen resilience:
- Before a meeting or big moment: Place both feet on the ground. Stretch your spine. Take a slow exhale longer than your breath. Let one hand rest on your sternum. This shows safety before you speak.
- After winning: Take a moment to let your body register. Many women mentally move towards success without putting it together. Always feel for a few breaths instead of quickly scanning what’s next.
- Keep an “evidence list”: At the end of the day, write down three specific actions that demonstrated skill and expertise—not the results, but the effort. This might look like an email you sent, a border you held, or an idea you shared.
- Adjust your posture when doubts arise: Stretch your spine. Raise your collarbones. Take the space. Your posture reflects how safe and competent you feel.
- Stop softening your voice unnecessarily: Be careful when you overexplain or refine your statements. Practice letting your words linger.
You will notice that all of these practices are small by design. Confidence builds through repetition, and it doesn’t disappear with one success. It grows in small quantities.
What to Remember When Imposter Syndrome Appears
Imposter syndrome doesn’t mean you’re unfit. It does not mean that you have entered a room that you did not lead. And it doesn’t mean you’re about to be exposed. Usually, it means that you are growing.
Growth can feel slow before it feels natural. Appearance can feel dangerous before it feels put together. Success can temporarily override your inner sense of self. But when doubts arise, you don’t have to make them disappear. You can be aware, control your body, collect evidence, and keep promises. Let your nervous system adjust to the fact that you are capable of doing more than you ever felt used to.
Confidence is not perfection. Be willing to be uncomfortable while your body adjusts to who you are. And over time, what once felt like exposure begins to feel like alignment.
This post was last updated on February 25, 2026, to include new information.