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A few years ago, a friend of mine gave me something that improved my life. “Try this,” he said, handing me a small box, his mouth turned upwards. Inside was a bottle of Foria Awaken Arousal Oil, a product intended to improve sexual pleasure for women, alone or with company. If I was having sex or feeling sexual at the time, I would have torn it off that night. Finding the best lubricants and oils for intimacy intrigued me.
It took me a while to try it. When I finally did with my now partner, I felt like I was in the final scene Fight Club, when Ed Norton holds Helena Bonham Carter’s hand as buildings fall. Everything I knew about sex fell away and, in its place, entered a Technicolor world of pleasure to explore.
The Best Oil for Every Desire
“What Foria has done is prioritize women’s happiness by deeply understanding what makes it work, what makes it last, and where the pleasure comes from,” said Kiana Reeves, chief content officer of Foria Wellness and an instructor of somatic sexology and intimacy. “We are never taught how important it is to wake up.”
Reeves answers all my questions about the best lubricants and oils for intimacy over Zoom. My questions are urgent. I have never been more curious about a collection of products. In the past year, intimate oils and lubricants have affected my sex life, I tell him. My orgasms are strong. My connection with my partner is deep. Why is that? Please.
“Helping your body do what it’s meant to do,” Reeves replied, specifically talking about intimacy oils. “That’s why it’s so powerful. People are starting to see the power of their bodies.”
To understand the deep workings behind these products, and the difference between an intimate oil and an ointment, I asked Reeves about it all. (Also, if you’re curious about trying a new product but don’t know how to broach the subject with your colleagues, read on.)
Your Guide to Intimacy Oils
No one was focusing on women’s awakening. Our erectile tissue is similar to a man’s penis, it is scattered in different places but light up at different times. So a person with a female body has a different arousal trajectory than a person with a penis. We focus on women’s happiness with these different products and components. Another is Awaken Arousal Oil, which helps improve blood flow to the genitals to improve arousal and pleasure. These active botanicals work to help you wake up as much as possible.
Along with arousal, which is the physical part of pleasure, you have the part of desire. For many people, what gets in the way of their desire can be discomfort, pain, or a feeling of not being ready. What our Awaken oil does is work from the body up. You start to activate your body first. From there, you begin to retrain your nervous system and your relationship with sexual pleasure, either with you or with your partner. Go, oh, not only does it sound good, it sounds amazing!
How do lubricants work?
The tissues of the female genitalia and the mucosal membrane of the vulva must be moist to enjoy the touch, so that there is not much friction. Otherwise, those tender tissues can tear easily. So a lubricant, even if you are naturally well lubricated, is important because it helps protect the integrity of your tissues. Many clients I have worked with have experienced numbness, pain, and scarring from unprotected sex, penetrative or otherwise.
“The best part is that there is always more fun to explore.” – Kiana Reeves
Research shows that happiness will increase by using lube alone for all involved. So lube is wonderful to have. What we did with ours—Intimacy Sex Oil—is to make it the purest available because lubes historically had chemicals that were bad for the vagina and vulva. Also, our lube is used for vaginal and rectal.
Are there any rules for using intimate oils or lubricants?
There are no rules. The cool thing, and I say this especially about Awaken because it’s common for solo play to play with a partner for party play, is that it’s about understanding that your happiness is in your own hands. You can be aware of where you are. Maybe you’re not up yet, so you might massage yourself or have a massage partner. It takes time to massage the labia, clitoris, or thighs. It’s about owning that part of your body and allowing it to open up in its own time.
And, the good thing is not [Foria] products are gender specific. They are specific to anatomy because we are working with some anatomy that has not been studied or understood as much as others.
Editor’s Note: Some oils and lubricants are incompatible with certain condoms, so be sure to do your research on what’s important to you and your partner(s)..
What to keep in mind when looking for intimacy or arousal oil and lubricant
The main thing is that it is clean and natural. These are still marketing words where there is no standard to know how to say “clean.” Look at the ingredients you see. If they are plants, are they living things? I would also look into how much education the company offers. Check out the website to see if they are invested in their cause or just making a product because it’s easy and cheap. A product that is planted in its purpose will be planted in it and able to withstand its formation. On our products, we have a QR code where you can see the bulk tests we’ve done, testing for all kinds of toxins, pesticides, and heavy metals.
What if someone is curious about trying oil or lube with your partner but is hesitant to suggest it? What are your tips for starting a conversation?
A big conversation here is about sex with your partner—about what you like and what might be difficult to talk about, such as what you want more of, what’s less fun, or what you find difficult. Talking about sex, in general, can be risky, and when you’re bringing a new product, that’s an extra layer. It’s important to know that your partner wants you to feel happy—whether you’re afraid to share it or not. And you want your partner to feel pleasure.
Think of it as an Oreo metaphor, where two good things are sandwiched together and then the meat of it, which is a question or a wish, is in the middle. You can say positive things like, ‘I like the sex we have.’ ‘It sounds so amazing.’ ‘You are a wonderful lover.’ Then you can say what you are experiencing or want more. ‘I find that I want to explore more of what my body is capable of.’ Or, ‘I don’t share this with you, but it’s hard for me to climax and here’s what I think might help.’
Keeping the idea of inviting them is beneficial for everyone. It’s about wanting to explore more with each other.