Like many women, I have always had a complicated relationship with ambition. As a young millennial, I was taught that getting good grades would get me into a good college and get a good job. Of course, once those milestones were reached, the pressure to stay “good” kept me on a hamster wheel of endless desire. And sure enough, that came with external praise and validation (though not enough to satisfy a perfectionist whose journey to recovery has ebbed and flowed), I’ve found that I can never take a moment to sit, pause, and take a breath. That’s why, when I propose The Ambition Monster by Jennifer Romolini, I was ready to feel seen. But I wasn’t ready for this book to change my life like it did.
Featured photo in our interview with Iskra Lawrence by Michelle Nash.
An Interview With Jennifer Romolini, Author of Ambition Monster
In a world that often equates ambition with endless motivation, the conversation about what it means to women has never been more important. As we debate what success looks like in our careers—and in our lives—many of us want to uncover ways that align with our true aspirations. In The Ambition MonsterRomolini bravely reveals the complexities of ambition—how it fuels our professional aspirations but can also leave us struggling with self-confidence.
It was not only his insight but Romolini’s fearless, personal presentation of his professional ambition that resulted in an eye-opening speech. His sharp humor, paired with honest, often brutal truths about putting your desire before everything else, inspired mine to come true. In the post-girlboss era where chaos is no longer associated with Millennial pink, this book served as a guide to living a meaningful life beyond the pursuit of success.
Ahead, Romolini shares the revelations that inspired this fascinating, thought-provoking book. He encourages a shift in perspective, encouraging us to redefine what ambition looks like in our lives, freed from the constraints of external pressure. Focus on the discussion below.
In The Ambition Monsterexplores the dark side of ambition—especially for women. What motivated you to tackle this topic seriously?
I had been going fast and hard at my job for over a decade, but after a health problem forced me to slow down, I began to realize how much of a waste my life really was. How little time I spent with family or friends, how lonely and sad and disconnected I felt even though in the outside world, I looked like I had it all.
Successful people rarely talk about this. We tend to associate professional success with happiness in this country. I wanted to pull back the curtain on that a little bit because I thought it might help some women who find themselves staring into the abyss of their careers and thinking, “Wait, is that all there is?”
Hard work is often done for love, especially for women who try to “have it all.” How do you think this affects women’s mental health and their relationships, both personally and professionally?
What often happens is that we get too caught up in this idealized dream of success. We think that living a life that looks good in the outside world and doing what we think is “right” is what will bring us satisfaction when in fact, what makes us most happy, or at least most content, is understanding who we are and what we want. . And with that knowledge, we plan our unique course. In the race to gain, we can abandon our true needs and desires leading to alienation, burnout and soul decay.
There is a cultural narrative that associates a woman’s worth with her achievements. How do you think narratives fuel addictive ambition, and how can women begin to break away from it?
One way to avoid blindly overworking yourself is to be extremely present and determined about the kind of life you want to live and to learn how to protect that life and peace in any way you can.
- What is important to you?
- What are you willing to devote your time to?
- Does your job allow you to live your values?
- What steps can you take to better live a meaningful and connected life?
I love to work but I’ve had it extremely toxic “dream” jobs that I should have left years ago. Sometimes we are so afraid that if we go down they won’t let us come back. We fail to check if we want to ride the said in the first place.
In a world where success is often equated with burnout, do you believe women can find a healthy balance between ambition and well-being? How do you define that balance?
The questions I just posed can help us get closer to balance. And never say “yes” to something when you really mean “no”. I’m being a bit harsh here but, from what I’ve experienced, women—especially men—tend to want to please. As fixers, we crave the positive reinforcement that comes from meeting unrealistic goals, from doing more and doing a better job than is required. Part of this is systemic—in a patriarchal society, we have to prove ourselves more than men—but I’ve found great relief in breaking this “good girl at work” cycle, in bringing more of my B-game to work. jobs that don’t matter and give a little fuck in general.
What do you hope students will take away? The Ambition Monster about the emotional cost of endless desire and the opportunity to redefine success on personal terms?
I hope that workaholic students will walk away with the desire to blow it all up, restart the course of their lives and—whenever possible—put it, along with curiosity/joy/joy, before work. I have heard from several students that they have brought my book to therapy. I can’t think of a higher compliment.