From best friends to your least tolerant coworkers, it can feel like you’re surrounded by people who met their soulmates on a dating app.
But all that anecdotal evidence we’ve been collecting over the years since apps were invented, all the friends, acquaintances, and distant cousins who’ve met the loves of their lives with a swipe — their digital pleasure may be successful. to hear as the only way to meet your soul mate is online. But, that feeling is not true.
Don’t rely on dating app anecdotes
According to a YouGov survey How Brits Meet Their Partners published in September 2024, 8 percent of us met our current or most recent significant other on a dating app. To put that into perspective, that’s less than those who met casually, through friends (16 percent), and less than those who met through work (14 percent), or passing by when they were out (12 percent). But that’s more than those who met through university or other higher education (5 percent), or through a shared hobby (4 percent). Even when including those who met online, through a site like OkCupid or Match, the percentage of people who met their current or most recent partner rises to 12 percent. It’s not trivial, but it’s definitely not earth-shattering.
US think tank Pew Research Center conducted a similar study in their 2023 report involving 6,034 Americans. Only 1 in 10 adults in a committed relationship met their partner on a dating website or app, 30 percent of Americans have tried it at some point.
Why does it seem like everyone has met on a dating app?
Maybe we just feel it application-based relationships they are everywhere because they are new. From zero to, as YouGov has it, 8 percent in the years since dating apps were launched is enough of a jump to make an impression. Or maybe, on some level, it’s still surprising enough to be disproportionately memorable when we hear about people who met on the app and really had a good time. Or maybe it’s just a cliché that people have repeated so often over the years that we’ve come to believe it. How many times have you said or heard something like: “Oh you met on Hinge? I swear everyone is meeting with an app these days”?
I was a big fan of dating apps when I was single. I used them to meet people for most of my adult life. My mom even met my lovely stepdad on a dating site 20 years ago, back when you couldn’t add photos to your profile (think!)
I got up. I refuse to let dating app culture break my spirit.
Of course, I get why some do people hate them with things like gamifying the dating process, encouraging us to judge books by their covers, and making reading easier Immoral dating trends. But when I was younger, when dating was more of a hobby than a calling, the benefits of chatting with lots of hot people while overcoming the hesitation and anxiety of approaching them in real life were too great to ignore. I even ended up meeting the man who would become my husband on the app.
So yes, they can lead to something serious. Not as often as we have been led to believe. And these misplaced high expectations make the dating scene even more hellish.
Mashable After Dark
Hope Flynn, relationship expert and founder of a women’s self-improvement community Now calls dating apps a “mixed bag,” adding: “I know a lot of people who have found long-lasting relationships and marriages through apps. But let’s be real, they can be frustrating. There’s a lot of banter, trying to figure out if someone is being honest or not, and tons of conversations that end up falling apart again don’t go anywhere.”
Integrated counselor Amy Sutton, who specializes in client relationships, trauma, and self-esteem, goes further, calling apps a “double-edged sword” and an “emotional rollercoaster” that some of us can enjoy while others want out. Sutton, a Directory of Advice member, adding that its effectiveness depends on how each user defines success. If you’re just looking for casual hookups, apps can be a gold mine. And if you’re looking for The One, you don’t know, you might be in luck.
He tells me: “But for some, this process can be overwhelming, demoralizing, and even traumatic. I have worked with clients who have experienced severe anxiety and depression due to repeated experiences such as ghost, breadand other dating app related trends.”
And if you put all your eggs in the dating app basket only to find it doesn’t work out the way you expected, it can eat away at your hope for the future. Instead, Flynn says, you’ll find fatigue, hopelessness, and doubt. It’s definitely not the best frame of mind for finding love, or your mental health in general.
Sutton says her clients are often left feeling “invisible” or “unloved” after a series of app cuts. They wonder if there is something wrong with them for not being able to make them work the way they seem to work for other people. This makes them feel hopeless about finding love anywhere.
“Dating burnout leaves people so disillusioned by the process that they either avoid dating altogether or engage in a half-hearted relationship,” she adds, “causing this feeling of burnout.” It may make them start to believe that they are simply meant to be alone. It can also lead to antagonism for some — we stop seeing that there are real people behind the profiles and start ‘buying’ matches as we can our ability to shoehorn important connections that blossom over time into oblivion.”
Using dating apps as ‘one string to your dating bow’
If you want to continue using dating apps but also keep this damaging snowball effect intact, Flynn recommends seeing apps as a string to your dating bow, rather than your only hope of meeting someone. Try to put yourself there in real life too.
To do that, Flynn suggests working on making yourself more approachable and trying to be bold, even if you’re shy. “Keeping a friendly and positive vibe wherever you are can make a difference in how people react to you,” he adds. IRL dating events have increased this year – probably because some people are sick of apps, too – so look for any in your area that have social media or sites like Eventbrite.
“These platforms are a tool, not a magic solution.”
Sutton has similar advice, saying: “Stay open and curious. Approach life with an open mind and you can begin to build your confidence to connect with others on all levels – be it acquaintances, friends, or potential partners. Whether accepting an invitation is an event you might say ‘no ‘ in it or start a conversation in a local coffee shop, open to communication in the moment without the pressure of expected projects confidence and interest can be very attractive.”
And don’t feel like you have to stick with apps at all if you don’t feel like using them.
“These platforms are a tool,” Sutton notes, “not a magic solution. The swiping, algorithm-driven approach to love often reduces human interaction to something that is done. Remember, real love is about building intimacy, trust, and connection. Things that take time, patience, and often luck.”